Incensed By ‘Incest’
by em38
Summary: Lily’s been planning the winter ball for ages but when it comes to the day, she ends up going with...her cousin? Where’s the knight-in-shining armor that Lily was supposed to have as her date? L/J fluff at end. Rated T just in case. Please R/R!


Summary: Lily's been planning the winter ball for ages but when it comes to the day, she ends up going with…her cousin? Where's the knight-in-shining armor that Lily was supposed to have as her date? Lily/James fluff for the latter half. Rated T just in case. Please R&R! Flames welcome!

A/N: So this fic was inspired by my friends and me talking about threesomes, incest and the like. It was also inspired by talking about how some of our cousins are hot and that if we weren't related we'd like them and the like…seriously. So that's what inspired me and obviously the idea makes an interesting thought. There's no _actual_ incest though for anyone who's opposed to that stuff. So, without further ado, enjoy! …ps: There's a _Princess Bride_ reference in here—virtual cupcakes to anyone who can identify it! pps: Please, please, please read and review! Flames are welcome!

Disclaimer: I _OWN_ Harry Potter!!!!! …haha in my dreams…

Incensed By 'Incest'

Lily slammed her books onto the grimy table. She huffed angrily, her cheeks red with anger, as she yelled at James; "I am NOT into you. I HATE you—you perverted, lecherous, fobbing, black-brained, braggart! I did NOT ask for you to look under my skirt NOR did I ask you to touch me. Stay away from me and do not even _think_ of asking me to the winter ball!"

In a cloud of red hair she stormed off leaving James looking at Sirius—bemused. "All I did was say 'hi.' Did it look like I tried to touch her inappropriately?" Sirius just shook his head—stumped.

_Later in the Great Hall…_

Alice stirred her pumpkin juice with her spoon, counting the number of bubbles. She glanced across the lunch table at Lily, still talking furiously after 30 minutes. Alice took a quick look around the Great Hall to see that Lily's popping eyes and incensed expression—not to mention her furious voice—were drawing odd looks. Alice sighed and looked down at her pumpkin juice; one thousand twenty…one thousand twenty one…. Finally, when the last bubbles in her juice disappeared, Alice interrupted Lily—annoyed.

"Lily could you stop already! Even if James _did_ do what you said he did—which I highly doubt—he's a great guy to hang out with in general. He's stopped hexing people, is brilliant at academics and is one of THE HOTTEST guys in the school! So could you STOP-"

"Talking about me, ladies?" interrupted a tall, well-built Gryffindor. Alice sighed in exasperation.

"No Tristan, we weren't talking about you. And if you don't mind, I was just telling your cousin here how James isn't really all that bad," she said, glaring at Lily, annoyed. "Everyone knows you're in love with James and that he's in love with you…so go out with him already!"

Lily merely crossed her arms stubbornly. Alice rolled her eyes and turned to Tristan for help; "James is your friend—he's even your Quidditch captain! Tell Lily he's not that bad!" Tristan ignored Alice's order and smirked, changing the subject.

"So," he said conspiratorially, "who're you taking to the ball Alice?"

"Frank," she and Lily answered simultaneously.

"What, the two of you?" Tristan joked, earning him a slap from the grinning Lily.

"No you duffer—Alice. He asked her this morning after potions. He tripped over his feet trying to get to her." The cousins smirked, seeing Alice's beet red face.

"Well it's not like anyone as nice as Frank asked _you_," defended Alice, glaring at Lily. As Tristan opened his mouth to tease Alice further, a handsome ginger sauntered up to the table.

"Fabian!" exclaimed Tristan, giving Fabian Prewett—the Gryffindor beater—a man hug. Fabian, an accomplished prankster, had accompanied the Marauders on many of their pranks and was, along with his twin Gideon, quite the ladies' man. Naturally, his casual attire, toned body, Quidditch talent and devil-may-care attitude made Fabian quite the item.

Striding up to Lily (and ignoring Tristan in the process), he leant down and whispered in her ear. "Me. You. Winter Ball."

Lily looked up—startled—and blushed. She quickly regained her composure and looked Fabian over. Tall. Hot. Popular. Why not go with him? That would show James!! …show him what? She wondered… "Lily?" pressed Fabian, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Lily's ear and gently putting his hand under her chin, causing her to look directly into her eyes.

"Ye-yes," stammered Lily, blushing a deeper red as Alice looked on with a half amused, half jealous expression. After all, how could anyone resist a charming handsome redhead like Fabian—especially when, like Lily, you had no date to the ball?

As Fabian moved to walk back to Gideon, who was giving him a thumbs up and smirking, Tristan stepped into his path. "Hold on a 'sec mate, if it's about the ball, you better think again." He said firmly. "No guy is taking my cousin here to the ball."

Fabian scoffed; "Isn't that for Lily to decide?"

Lily interrupted hotly; "It IS for me to decide. What makes you think that you, _Tristan_, have the right to speak for me?" Fabian smirked.

Tristan, eyes flashing and totally serious, looked Lily confidently in the eye and said "Your FATHER gave me the right. Uncle Sam is counting on me."

Lily merely smirked; "Who's gonna stop me?"

Tristan smiled at Lily and said "If you go with any guy—especially a player like Fabian—I'll make sure he wakes up dead. Or worse…"

Fabian backed off; "You know Lily, as much as I think you're hot, I don't wanna deprive the female population of Hogwarts of my drop-dead gorgeous face and personality by getting killed…so…um…I'll just ask someone else."

And with a flash of a grin, he was gone—heading over to a cute Hufflepuff whose boyfriend put his arm around her protectively as she blushed at Fabian's attention…

"Good riddance" muttered Tristan, under his breath, as Lily—fuming—turned to face him.

"Who died and made _you_ my father?? I don't know what possessed you but you just deprived me of my DATE! And a hot one too! I don't know if you're aware but Fabian ad Gideon are considered among the top five hottest guys at Hogwarts. The. TOP. FIVE!! Who am I supposed to go with now? I'll look stupid if I go alone and anyway, I can't get in without a date! The Head Girl's _supposed_ to be there! And seeing as James and I organized this, I WANT to be there…to supervise and see the final result! I can't do that without a date to get in! Who'll I go with now?" Alice winced as Lily punctuated every word with a bang of her knife.

Tristan pondered the question until, under Lily's livid gaze, an idea came upon him. "Lily," he said earnestly, "Lily, you're going to the ball with me."

Lily rolled her eyes; "Haha Tristan very funny. I'm being serious. Who do you expect me to go with?"

"Me."

Lily stared at Tristan exasperatedly. "You can't be seriou –OH MY GOSH YOU ARE." Lily glanced desperately at Alice who, unnoticed until then, had been speechless with laughter.

"Alice," Lily cried, "help me here!" Alice shook her head and Lily, glowering, continued protesting to Tristan. "What about your girlfriend Tristan?" He, unshaken, smirked back at her.

"She'll understand."

Lily began freaking out; pulling her hair and talking in a high voice. "Tristan, you can't do that, you can't go with me. …it's, it's, it's…it's like…incest. Yeah, that's right, incest! That's against the law so I won't go with you and can't! It's illegal!"

Tristan grinned; "It's not like I'm _actually_ in you. And if I was, it's not like Dumbledore'd care. So, I'll see you then at six." With that, he walked off leaving Lily staring futilely off into the distance.

_In Muggle Studies a Week Later…_

"Tristan!" hissed Lily, her voice hidden by the babble of the classroom. "Tristan, I need to talk with you!" Seeing him ignoring her, Lily was about to yell when she found a piece of paper on her lap.

"Write what you want to say on the paper." It said; "I can see what you write and you'll see what I write." With that encouragement, Lily began venting…

L: I am NOT going with you. In fact, I don't know why I haven't asked some other guy to go with me. You have NO IDEA how embarrassing it is for me to be going with you. People have been coming up to me ALL WEEK just to laugh at me! I _won't_ go with you and that's final. Besides being _wrong_ in every way it's embarrassing! 

Lily punctuated each word with a sharp jab of her quill and a blot of ink. She waited for Tristan's reply to appear.

**T: Sorry couz. You're fighting a lost cause. You're going with me and that's final. Besides, if you laugh it off, no one will care.**

L: I don't care what you say, I am NOT going with you.

With that, Lily crumpled up the paper and walked off.

_Next Week at the Ball..._

Lily dug her nails into Tristan's arm—glaring ferociously at anyone cracking a smile as Tristan escorted her into the Great Hall. As Tristan winced in pain, Lily dug her perfectly manicured nails deeper into his arm.

Lily paused slightly to admire her handiwork. She and James, as Head Boy and Girl, had (to everyone's surprise) worked together on the decorations and planning for the ball. The Great Hall sparkled luminously as the candlelight reflected off the fake snow which swirled softly around the room dusting the scene in a mist of shimmering light. The Christmas trees, bedecked with white crystal, white candles, and silver tinsel, glowed softly. The thousands of candles—the only source of light—wavered, creating a haze of aromatic bayberry as the couples (4th year and older) glided into the Hall.

Lily glared at Tristan's arm—now resting comfortably around her waist. "I can't BELIEVE you're making me do this! I wanted a _nice_ date and now I'm stuck with you, my obnoxious, overly protective _cousin_! I don't want to miss my last ball and I can't get in without a date! I didn't plan this so that I would get left with you…and I've been planning this for six months! It's not fair!"

"Lily dear," Tristan whispered smoothly, "Life's not fair." He winked at Dumbledore—who winked back—as they passed the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress. "And," continued Tristan, "You shouldn't be complaining seeing as the date you're 'stuck with' is quite hot."

Glancing over at him, Lily had to admit that he looked good. His chestnut brown hair flopped casually into his eyes, framing pools of swirling green—eyes that matched Lily's perfectly. His ash-gray dress robes complimented his Quidditch player's muscle-bound frame nicely. Lily smirked; Tristan's girlfriend must hate her for 'stealing' him away on the special night. Lily looked up in horror—distracted from her thoughts—when Tristan led her onto the dance floor. "NO Tristan!" Lily whispered frantically as Tristan grinned at her. The cousins took their places for the first dance.

Putting her arm on his shoulder reluctantly, Lily positioned herself with a sigh. She looked over at Alice, who, waiting with Frank, smirked at her. Frank whooped at Lily and Tristan before turning back to Alice and pulling her close. Lily glowered at the happy couple and whispered to Tristan, wanting to take her mind off of her embarrassment. "Are you _sure_ your girlfriend understands? Right now she's glaring daggers, no, more like icicles, into the back of my head."

The two glanced over at Lissa—the blond 7th year Hufflepuff—and Tristan casually blew her a kiss. Lily groaned at his stupidity; "You're not going to have a girlfriend tomorrow morning if you keep acting like-OW!"

Tristan had stepped on her foot for the umpteenth time. Lily couldn't tell if he was actually a bad dancer or if he was trying to embarrass her. By the end of the first dance, Lily, sporting nine bruises and a stubbed toe, backed off; "Tristan, I'm kinda…tired. Why don't you go dance with your girlfriend while I got take a break."

Tristan looked Lily up and down before leaving with the warning "Don't dance with _anyone_ 'till I get back."

Lily sighed, brushing some stray snow off her shoulder, and sat herself by one of the many white crystal tables. She prepared herself to sit out the entire night as she was pretty sure Tristan's girlfriend wasn't letting go of him for the rest of the evening.

_30 Minutes Later…_

Lily fiddled with her fork—bored. She stared longingly at the dancing couples, wishing that Tristan went to some other school. "Wishing for a real date?" came a voice from behind her.

Lily spluttered as James sat himself down next to her. "What happened to your date?" she questioned him, too surprised by his arrival and—though she wouldn't admit it—too relieved by the cessation of her boredom to be angry at him.

James grinned; "My date saw I wasn't interested and went off to find Sirius. She's snogging with him…while he's making out with his date." Lily crinkled her nose as James chuckled; "Not much into threesomes? Well, neither am I. But what about you?" James smirked at Lily. "I'm sure you're _devastated_ that your date's gone."

Lily slapped James playfully, amazed to find that she and her Head Boy were acting normally around each other. "He's a bad dancer" Lily proclaimed.

"Really?" asked James, interested. "I've always heard that he's an amazing dancer."

Lily spluttered furiously as James laughed at her. "So he WAS doing it on purpose. He is _so_ gonna die!" she muttered threateningly. James grinned and addressed her hesitantly, hoping that he wasn't pushing his luck too far…and hoping that he didn't look nervous.

"Speaking of dancing," he began, clearing his throat nervously, "you want to dance?" As Lily hesitated, James rushed to justify himself; "I'm sure Tristan won't mind _that_ much seeing as I'll kick him off the Quidditch team if he does anything and I think dancing with me beats not dancing at all…at least I hope so….and I thought maybe, you know, since I'm Head Boy and you're Head Girl we should have at least one dance together. So, um, dance with me?" he asked, his voice cracking adorably.

Lily looked James over. He really wasn't that bad, she reasoned. They had worked remarkably well together to pull the ball together…and he hadn't _actually_ been that obnoxious regarding her recently. Maybe Alice had been right about her being in denial? And, seeing him looking at her with those sincere hazel eyes, Lily couldn't help but notice how good he looked in his navy dress robes.

Maybe she should dance with him…after all, it was only _one_ dance and Dumbledore couldn't have chosen James as Head Boy for no reason, right? He really did seem to actually like her…he couldn't not when he had come to entertain her tonight when he saw she wasn't enjoying herself…perhaps he wasn't that bad? So reasoning, Lily smiled and took James' arm; "You aren't as bad as I thought."

James shivered with delight as her slight hand—touching him gently for the first time—rested dependently on his arm. He glanced down at Lily who smiled unsurely back at him. James grinned back, his smile stretched across his face, unable to believe his luck. "You're beautiful," he whispered, his lips barely brushing her ear.

Lily felt chills running down her spine. She really was beautiful. After years of picking at her clothes and critiquing her reflection in the mirror, James' words—uttered only once—led her to believe that she really was something special.

Lily had bought a floor-length strapless emerald taffeta gown that tapered in at the waist and flowed out to brush the floor. It streamed around her in a pool of fabric—adding to her grace as she danced. Even with her silver heels, her petit frame didn't reach higher than James' eyes. She had borrowed her mom's matching diamond necklace and earrings and was wearing a silver bracelet that James had left under her tree at Christmas the previous year. Lily didn't know that James had given her the bracelet but he knew, and he noticed.

Lily's red hair was curled and placed in a fancy coif, kudos to Alice, which piled her hair on top of her head and framed her pale face with slight curls. A matching diamond barrette topped off the entire outfit. James couldn't take his eyes off of her.

As James lifted Lily into the air and spun her around, she felt his strong Quidditch biceps working to hold her up and blushed crimson. Noticing her flushed face, James, worried that he had done something wrong, frantically asked Lily if he had offended her in any way. Even more embarrassed, Lily blushed a darker red; "Um…it's _really_ hot in here. Could we maybe go outside?" she questioned, looking at James' shoes.

James immediately agreed and led her onto an empty balcony; "As you wish."

Lily, suddenly self-conscious at the thought of the two of them alone, fiddled with a strand of hair—looking around. A gentle night breeze cooled the air and the fireflies were beginning to appear. The balcony was draped with vines and snow dusted the scene. Hearing music drift in from the Great Hall—and wanting to fill the swelling silence—Lily questioned James hesitantly; "Do you…want…to…dance?"

Surprised that she was willingly asking to dance again, with him—James Potter—but delighted all the same, James took Lily's waist gently in reply to her offer. As James deftly maneuvered them around the empty balcony, Lily smiled shyly up at him. "You're a good dancer…thanks…for this."

James smiled down at her, unconsciously gripping her waist and pulling her closer to him. Lily—head spinning—gasped quickly. James, worried that he was pushing his luck too far, immediately backed away from Lily; "Sorry," he muttered.

Lily softly took James' hand. "No…it was…perfect." James looked into Lily's eyes questioningly. Staring into his hazel eyes, feeling the brunt of his earnest gaze, Lily felt the strangest fluttering—unsettling—sensation. A pull.

Gazing back at James with emerald eyes, Lily drew closer to James and unconsciously slipped her hands around his neck. James, vaguely understanding the gist of her actions, put one hand around her waist and caressed her cheek tenderly with his other hand. Still gazing into each other's eyes, James and Lily, lightly brushing noses, found each other's mouths. As they became more comfortable with each other, more relaxed, James pressed gently for tongue entrance while Lily pressed herself closer against James' muscled chest. After several minutes, the couple broke apart.

"Wow" breathed James, still breathless, as Lily smiled with bliss—the stars reflected in her eyes. James, unable to stop smiling, looked hesitantly at Lily; "Could we maybe do that again sometime?" Lily, smiling, drew near to James and kissed him softly—in answer—just as a voice said

"Not during MY lifetime." Lily and James immediately broke apart and turned to face the voice—James shielding Lily behind him. Tristan.

Shaking with anger, he pulled the couple apart and, his voice dripping with venom, addressed Lily. "Go. Leave. Don't ever let me see you with him again. Now go. I need to deal with James."

So saying, he pulled out his wand and rolled up his sleeves menacingly. Lily, fearing for James, objected. "No. You're going to try and beat him up. So I won't leave. Hurt me instead. It was me who started it anyway." With that, Lily planted her petit frame in front of James—trying to shield his bulk.

James softly pulled Lily into his embrace and whispered into her ear; "Lily. Don't." Lily stared stubbornly back at James, turning her head to look him directly in the eye. James, out of the corner of his eye, seeing Tristan glowering darkly and coming closer, whispered frantically to Lily; "Lily, leave now. It's my responsibility. I don't want you to get hurt. If you really meant everything you did tonight, leave me here with Tristan."

Lily took a long look at James; "Fine."

"Thanks beautiful," he whispered, gently kissing her forehead. Lily reluctantly turned and let, glancing back, as Tristan advanced on James. James, still watching for Lily, waved her on—a determined look on his face.

_The Next Morning in the Great Hall at Breakfast…_

Lily tapped her fork on the table nervously. Alice glared at her; "Would you stop already? You've been doing that ever since we came down to breakfast! You're acting so weird! And you didn't say anything last night about Tristan…and you haven't eaten a bite! Did something happen last night?"

Lily shook her head impatiently, now tapping her foot. She looked down the table to where James usually sat—James wasn't there and Remus was talking seriously, in a low voice, to the rest of the Marauders. Lily looked towards Tristan, wondering if he'd seriously hurt James.

Too busy fretting, Lily didn't hear Alice for the first time; "LILY! Can you hear me? Your arm just twitched."

Lily looked down at her wrist only to feel a tug. Unsure, she glanced around quickly until she heard a whisper in her ear; "Lily, it's James. I'm under my Invisibility Cloak. Meet me outside the Hall."

Immediately dismissing herself, Lily rushed out of the Hall. Closing the doors soundly, she looked around for James. When he walked out towards her from behind a column, she gasped.

James sported a black eye along with a colorful bruise up his arm. He was limping slightly and his lip was swollen to twice its usual size. Despite his injuries, James smiled at Lily. She immediately took out her wand and moved to heal him when he put out his hand to stop her. Lily looked at James questioningly. "It's part of the deal," he said mysteriously. At Lily's frown, he half-smiled. "All in good time. But first, I have something important to ask you," he said, staring into Lily's eyes seriously.

"What?!" said Lily impatiently, wanting to hear about his injuries.

"Lily," said James with no trace of joke anywhere in his face; "Lily, Lily listen to me. Will you go out with me?"

Lily stepped back, eyes wide. "What?"

"Lily," repeated James persistently, "Go out with me?"

"O-of course," Lily stuttered, caught off guard.

"That's all I need," smiled James, pulling Lily in for a warm kiss. Lily smiled ecstatically then frowned when James winced at her embrace.

"James, are you okay? What happened with Tristan?"

James sighed. "I let him beat me up. After all, I kind of deserved it."

Lily immediately blazed up; "You did NOT deserve it! It was my fault in the first place. Excuse me while I go _talk_ to my cous-"

"Lily," interrupted James, "It's okay. Tristan agreed that if I would go through this for you, I'm good enough for you. That was our agreement—that and that he's still on the Quidditch team. That's why you can't heal my bruises"

"But-" protested Lily,

"No buts," interrupted James again. "It's more than worth it." And then she quietly kissed him.

_2 Years Later at Lily and James' wedding…_

Lily smiled as James stood up and addressed the table; "Ladies, gents, I'd like to propose my first toast as a married man—to Tristan Evans. Tristan, back at Hogwarts, was smart, amazing at Quidditch, and overly protective. I remember he beat me up for kissing Lily and, even after he had given his consent, would glare at me whenever I would do so much as hold Lily's hand."

The area echoed with laughter. James continued; "Despite all this I wouldn't trade Tristan for anyone." James cleared his throat.

"Tristan cannot be here today to see Lily and me married. Many of you do not know that Tristan died fighting twelve Death Eaters single-handedly. He didn't try to escape even when he could have. Tristan died to protect Lily—he held off twelve Death Eaters to help Lily escape when I could not be there to protect her. Tristan saved my most prized possession—my wife. He was a good man—I thank him. And so, to Tristan."

Everyone drank deeply, a respectful silence settling around the table. James glanced down at Lily, sitting next to him in her white dress. She looked up at him with eyes filled with tears "Thanks…he would've liked it…" Lily buried her head in James tuxedo. "Tristan, I'm sorry," she murmured softly. James smiled down at Lily, kissing her cheek gently and resting his chin on her head.

As he held her in his embrace, he whispered, "You're worth it, Mrs. Potter."

x-x-x


End file.
